BECOMING A DEPENDABLE FRIEND

FRIDAY, SEVENTH WEEK IN ORDINARY TIME

Eccl 6:5-17; Ps 119:12,16,18,27,34-35; Mk 10:1-12

Making and being a Good Friend

The usefulness of a faithful friend is the subject discussed in the passage of Sirach we are considering. From the qualities that make a good friend, we understand that faithfulness depends on the perfection we attain in the formative school of wisdom. The first lesson we learn in nature is faithfulness. The quality of faithfulness is so closely aligned with nature that we consider nature and faithfulness synonyms. The faithfulness of nature, and subsequently of wisdom, is hinted at when we read that wisdom stands at her post/gate daily to beckon the passers-by to turn in and partake of her table. Everything that God made participates in this faithfulness of wisdom in the sense that each remains faithful to his will without failing or leading our minds astray. First, Sirach admonishes us on friendliness to people in general: “A kindly turn of speech multiplies a man’s friends, and a courteous way of speaking invites many a friendly reply.” In other words, what we sow is what we reap; friendly sowing means friendly reaping. There are many kinds of people and their various manners; we are bound to deal with all of them in life, but we must never learn of them, only from a good-natured (or wise) man. He implies this when he says: “Let your acquaintances be many, but your advisers one in a thousand.” A personal question is: Am I a good adviser to others?

We acquire natural science through experiments, which expose a thing of nature to various conditions and activities, making it speak to us about itself through its actions and reactions. A thing of nature speaks to us through its intelligible properties and qualities, which characterise its nature as made by God. Sirach advises the same testing for those we mark out for friendship. We should test a person by subjecting him to different conditions and activities to determine the permanent and transient qualities. The permanent ones constitute the real character of the person. “If you want to make a friend, take him on trial, and be in no hurry to trust him; for one kind of friend is only so when it suits him but will not stand by you in your day of trouble.” These different shades of friends represent degrees of perfection in our fellowship of wisdom. The better our education and alignment with nature/wisdom, the godlier we become and the better friends we are to people. Thus, the call to constant meditation and contemplation of wisdom in nature and the word of God is a call to become good friends (God’s representatives) with others. “A faithful friend is a sure shelter, whoever finds one has found a rare treasure. A faithful friend is something beyond price, there is no measuring his worth.”

The quality of faithfulness Sirach uses to qualify a true friend is fundamental for a spouse. One’s spouse should be a true friend. To fulfil this demand, spouses must be faithful to God in their vocation to each other. Each of us must make the words of the Psalmist ours daily as a path to faithfulness in friendship and marriage. “Blessed are you, O Lord; teach me your statutes. I take delight in your statutes; I will not forget your word. Open my eyes that I may see the wonders of your law. Make me grasp the way of your precepts and I will muse on your wonders.” If each of us stays faithful to the word of God, which is wisdom, then we will make true friends, husbands, and wives, as the case may be. Our Lord’s teaching on the indissolubility of marriage union rests on this faithfulness. “Then Jesus said to them, ‘It was because you were so unteachable that he wrote this commandment for you. But from the beginning of creation God made them male and female. This is why a man must leave father and mother, and the two become one body. They are no longer two, therefore, but one body. So then, what God has united, man must not divide.’” Nature teaches us faithfulness, for every natural thing remains faithful to the word of God, expressing his divine will in each thing of nature. Only man abandons his rational course and walks the path of irrationality and darkness. If we embrace the word of God, we will be good friends/spouses and find good friends/spouses. “Whoever fears the Lord makes true friends, for as a man is, so is his friend.”

Let us pray: Grant, we pray, almighty God, that, always pondering on your goodness and providence, both in nature and in our redemption, we may learn of you, whose faithfulness is embodied in the humanity of your Son. Through our Lord Jesus Christ, your Son, who lives and reigns with you in the unity of the Holy Spirit, God, for ever and ever.